Your Stories of Bullying
This is where you can read stories of bullying written by other Pagans.
Please know that in all stories submitted I have changed all the names of people and deliberately made the location where everything took place vague -- anonymity can be a good thing sometimes.
If you have a story to share, please send me an e-mail. I will not post anything without your express permission, nor will I discuss it with anyone else - I consider what you share to be sacred, and I will not disclose anything unless I have your say so.
Occasionally I have got e-mails from people asking me how I know whether the stories I have posted here are the true version of events.
The simple answer is that in most cases, I don't. However, I like to think that the stories people have shared are truthful.
Most people who write to me do not initially offer to let me use their story - the vast majority are looking for advice, or just want someone impartial to listen to their version of events. Usually several e-mails go back and forth, and I do ask questions about details. If something doesn't make sense, or I find the person too strident, accusatory or unwilling to look at their own part in what happened, I won't use the story.
I have also not used stories if I thought certain details might give dangerous ideas to the bullies in other communities. I have heard things that would curl your hair, and while they make for interesting reading, I didn't set up this site for entertainment purposes. I also don't want to give bullies any more weapons - if they don't think of these techniques for driving people away for themselves, then I for one am not going to give them any instructions, even inadvertently.
In almost all cases I have had to ask for permission to post a story, and more often than not, people have refused that permission. Their fears are not groundless. I have been told of sexual blackmail, attempted rapes, career sabotage and being "outted" in the mundane community, all because someone took a dislike to them. One person had to move halfway across the country to get away from the poisonous rumours that were being circulated about them, and another is involved in a major court case right now and so of course cannot disclose what happened publicly.
I am frequently told by my correspondents that they have chosen to become solitary because of what they experienced and do not wish to relive what happened, or receive any more backlash from the community they once belonged to.
The other thing about the cases presented on this site is that one story of bullying can look remarkably similar to another that took place in a distant location, and may have nothing to do with your local Pagan community at all. A couple of years ago people thought they recognized a story that took place in C_____, and accused me of posting a false story of bullying that took place there - but in all honesty, I have never had a story from C_____ to post. Yes, I do go to great pains to change places and names, but that doesn't mean that a story on this site really took place in your hometown. Bullying happens all over the world.
Over time I have got multiple correspondents from the same area, and it became obvious they were all complaining about the same person. Because they all agreed on the basics, I assumed they were telling the truth and asked permission of one of them to post. This scenario has occurred more than once, and one of the stories posted is a result of this. Of course it's possible they were all lying, but I don't think so.
In short, there is no viable way for me to "verify" the stories I post, other than what I already do. I get e-mails from people all over North America and the rest of the world, and although in one or two cases on the site I do know the protagonists involved, most often I do not. I cannot travel hundreds or even thousands of miles to interview people in other Pagan communities, and e-mailing local people would unfairly expose my correspondents (especially if they are telling the truth) and possibly cause a backlash in the community in question, so I can't do that either. But I can and do rely on my intuition and common sense when offering to post a story.
It's the best I can do, I'm afraid.
Thank you to everyone who has chosen to share.
Those
of you who have been here before will notice that I have changed this page
slightly - because I've now got several stories, I decided to separate them so
that people will not have the annoyance of scrolling down to read the most
recent.
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