Your Stories of Bullying - Cases Seven and Eight

Case Seven

My very first contact with modern Pagans [and yes this took place on-line]-- they were supposedly my Gay Brothers, too-- was so horrific that I very nearly questioned my faith as a Pagan and "converted" from my Path. Nothing had prepared me for such behaviour from other modern Pagans! The founder of this [now defunct] Yahoo Group used some of THE most foul language that I have EVER heard when speaking to me, and blamed it all on his "religion". His "religion," he said, "gave him the right" to treat me so. Well...when they had learned that I was questioning my faith, the whole lot of them publicly mocked me, saying, "We'll just have to try harder, next time!" What sort of sociopathic personality would say this sort of tripe?

What precipitated this, however, was that I had allegedly "offended" them by not delivering them my blind respect, unearned! Now, I don't believe it's too much to ask that one first earn my respect-- I would expect nothing less, myself! But, because I had a personal opinion, they thought that they'd teach me a lesson, and "put me in my place" by stopping me from being able to post anything in my own defense, no matter how warm or intelligent, regardless that all it was was correcting a misunderstanding about something I'd previously posted prior to this "punishment". Well...while I was on permanent "moderated status," a bashing tournament ensued whose sole purpose was to call me all manner of names, with exceedingly cruel behaviour!

So much for my Gay and Lesbian Brothers and Sisters [at least amongst the Pagan "community"]!

~ David, in Minnesota

My story is so bizarre that I have trouble believing it myself - but it did happen.

Two years ago I moved to C_______ and joined the local Pagan scene. I made several friends, went to open rituals, attended various moots and other events, and everything was great. Then my friend Sonja introduced me to her friend Joanne and her husband Tom, who run an Asatru group outside just of C______.

Trouble started because Tom was attracted to me. From what I hear he's attracted to most women, but for some reason Joanne focused on me. In her mind, I was constantly flirting with her husband!

I had no idea of my supposed designs for a long time, but I could see that Joanne wasn't crazy about me, and Sonja seemed to be keeping her distance too. I didn't even wonder why - I only saw Tom and Joanne about once a month at other social gatherings and didn't interact with them.

It all came to a head one night at a fundraising dance - I was there, with several friends, when Tom came on to me very strongly (he was quite drunk). I was polite at first, and told him I wasn't interested in his proposal, but then he suddenly got aggressive and tried to put his hand down my top - in front of witnesses. I was so shocked that I just reacted - and punched him in the mouth (I kickbox, and pack a mean punch). 

He staggered off, and the next thing I knew, there was Joanne screeching at me about my campaign to steal her husband - apparently he explained his fat lip by saying that I had punched him when he refused to come over to my place for the night. I apologized for hitting him, and explained what really happened (in a nice way), and one or two of the people who witnessed it confirmed my story, but she refused to believe it. I was after her husband, and that was all there was to it.

The truth is I find Tom repulsive. He is an ignorant drunken lout who's never heard of personal hygiene, and I think he only has three teeth in his head. He's not exactly my type, and that is how I put it to Joanne (still trying to be polite). Then she started yelling that I was a snob, and how I thought her Tom wasn't good enough for me. I gave up trying to reason with her. I told Joanne we could continue this conversation when she had calmed down, but I wasn't going to try to talk about it right there. 

Having failed to get an admission of guilt from me, Tom and Joanne left the dance in a huff and I thought that was the end of it. This is when I learned (from those who were present for the incident) about my supposed sinister intentions. I was shocked, but I laughed it off.

I did not attend any Pagan events for a few weeks because of business travel and then a case of the flu, but when I finally did get to go to a moot hardly anyone would talk to me. I found out that Joanne had been telling everyone that I came on to Tom several times, as well as several other married men in the community. Supposedly I was casting spells designed to break up marriages, and others to make myself irresistible to the men of this community. Unfortunately the women all seemed to buy this, and their husbands and boyfriends were afraid to talk to me about it in case they got accused of having an affair with me. Only my two closest friends in the community were still speaking to me, and they were being shunned for it.

Even the witnesses, the people who actually saw what happened with Tom that evening, were telling a different version of events - one of them after volunteering to testify on my side if Tom pressed charges (he didn't). I couldn't believe it. Denying my supposed intentions only seemed to reinforce what people were thinking about me, and they closed ranks even more. Joanne got hysterical every time she saw me, making wild, unfounded accusations, while Tom looked smug in the background. I turned my back on the lot of them.

Luckily for me I got a job transfer four months later and so I left the community entirely - but I really feel sorry for those who are stuck with such backward Pagans. I can understand one delusional individual, but a whole community?

~ Julie, in Georgia

My Two Cents:

I had something similar happen to me - but this was in High School. Presumably these are adults (at least age-wise)?

Unfortunately this is not unusual behaviour in the Pagan Community. Julie was a victim of Gang Bullying, orchestrated by Tom through Joanne. In short, Tom used Joanne to bully and harass Julie because he couldn't live with the fact that Julie rejected him so publicly. He's probably done it before, and he'll almost certainly do it again.

Joanne likely knows about Tom's affairs (or that he attempts to have affairs) but she is in denial because she doesn't want to face the pain of that knowledge. One can feel sorry for her, but only to a point. She does not have the right to spread rumours and drive those she sees as competition out of the Community.